I Gave Away My Bike Today

Letting go of yet another piece of my past 

I have had a bicycle in my garage that I haven’t used for years. These days, I am not sure that I would feel safe trying to use it again. I love that some older folks bicycle regularly, but I am not one of those. This bicycle of mine is not one that is as friendly for older model humans, or at least for this older model human. 

I know someone who has kids that could use this bike, love it, care for it, appreciate it, and enjoy it. So, they are coming to pick it up today. I am interested to notice my feelings about it all.

I feel sadness at letting go of this, of what was a part of my life, a way to move and enjoy exercise. I still want to move and exercise, and may even have a bicycle be part of that in the future, but a bicycle perhaps that is more accommodating to someone who is older, easier to use for someone who may not react as quickly, may not be as flexible, may just want to go slowly yet feel safely planted on the ground. Maybe it’s time to think about a tricycle or one of those “vintage” bikes that has foot pedals brakes. I could be one vintage model sitting on top of another one, yes?

Aging brings challenges. Realizing that our bodies are changing, assessing what we can continue to do and what we may have to make adjust can be humbling, sometimes sad, accompanied by grief at the losses. There are losses and to deny them doesn’t serve us in moving forward for the most part, I think. Trying to figure out the new normal and what that can include is a task that can be confusing, but important.

It looks like I’ll have to find new ways to travel for my next adventures. But I can still have adventures. 

 I can still get movement and exercise, although not the same as when I was younger. These days exercising is not to get shredded, but to keep moving and functioning. I am working my way through a depression of sorts, and I did let go of exercise as part of that depression for a while. I’ve quickly become deconditioned and returning to my routine takes much more effort. I am not going to give up, but I am humbled. That is certainly one thing about aging…it’s humbling. 

I am discovering that accepting the changes is vital to keep going. If I deny that my body is changing, then I may either stop doing things altogether or do things where I may hurt myself. If I accept that there are changes, then I can figure out how to accommodate those changes to keep living as fully as possible. I can look at possible alternatives like a different bike, earlier dinners out, going to bed earlier but also enjoying getting up early and rested, wearing hearing aids so I can participate as much as possible, having an ample supply of reading glasses, wearing safe sturdy shoes, continuing to exercise to maintain functioning. 

I learn to use pain meds when needed for my knees, or arthritis rubs (perhaps they need to start making those in perfumed varieties for us?) I now accept that I need to use cues to help me remember. I have night goggles for night driving. I need to continue to stretch my body and mind. I need to continue to grow, to learn, to accept whatever pace with which that happens.

I walk more slowly and notice that this helps me enjoy things more along the way.

I am coming to peace with my body. I have fought it, tried to bully it, hated it, judged it. I can work on whatever my best version will be, and I can love every version of it. It continues to serve me well.

There are changes that are not physical ones, like not caring about others’ opinions, speaking my truth, wanting authentic, genuine conversation or none. What a gift is has been to realize that I can more consciously choose who to include in my life. If someone does not feel like a good enough fit, I can let them go with no malice, but also with no need to force-fit myself to make things work. I am learning the joy of setting boundaries. The reality of mortality is a constant companion these days and reminds me that there is no time to waste.

I no longer fight what I feel. I can choose what I do, but not what I feel. Feelings are important and let me know what’s going on inside of me. I appreciate and honor them.

I feel grateful for it all…the joy, the pain, the hope, the despair, the struggle, the journey, all of it. 

I have finally realized that the hero that I have been searching for all along has been me.

I can continue to be kind whenever possible, with boundaries of course. We all have our struggles. Everyone has a story and some kind of drama going on. I can also remember to be compassionate and kind with myself and allow room for my own story to keep unfolding and honoring that it is as important as everyone else’s story.

I work on forgiving when possible, including forgiving myself. Regrets are a heavy burden. Life can be heavy enough and there is no need to add more to it . We all struggle, we all make mistakes. We can keep learning from those to try and do better. 

And I laugh… a lot. A sense of humor is vital these days. 

So, yes, I gave away my bike today. I let go of another piece of my past and my youth. But I did not let go of my passion for life, only revised how to best enjoy it and live it fully. Rather than keep mourning what I may not be able to do as I did in my youth, I can embrace what I can do now. I am still alive, and so grateful. Let me embrace each precious moment.