Valentine Love

There are many forms of love

I have enjoyed many Valentine’s days. Sweetheart celebrations, romantic love, sweet togetherness. They were all special to me.

But they are not the first memories that come up for me these days.

It was Valentine’s Day several years ago, and my partner at the time took me out for a lovely dinner at a local restaurant. I appreciated his gift and gesture, even though part of me knew that this relationship would not last in the long run. I just knew, in that place in my gut, the truth. And it was ok. I appreciate the moments and times that we had.

But back to the story. 

The restaurant, where you can usually breathe and have room to enjoy each other’s company, had put a lot more tables in their space to accommodate all the couples that wanted to dine there that evening. The tables were so close to each other that we began to joke with our neighbors at the tables close to us about sampling each other’s plates, as we could simply reach across the tables. 

The poor waiters, I thought. How can they possibly take care of everyone?

It turns out that they couldn’t. Not really, given the sheer number of guests and the little space for them to maneuver themselves around in. 

Some of the guests became irritated, impatient with the service. 

I made sure to make eye contact with our server and let her know not to worry, that it was ok, that we were not in any rush. I have been in work positions before where I could not get things done, due to outside circumstances, in the time that was expected. I remember what a difference that someone else’s reaction can make. This, I believe, can be another benefit of aging, putting your own memories of similar experiences to use in the current moment. To empathize, to understand, to be as patient and kind as we can be in that moment. 

We were in such a tight spot that she could not reach us at one point. We waited for a long time before she eventually got through. She apologized profusely for the wait.

 I told her not to worry, that it was amazing that she made it to us at all.

 And she smiled and breathed, for a moment, giving a sigh of relief. We spent a long time at dinner that night, and were able to laugh about it all, vowing to never go out on that special day again, but to choose an alternate date to celebrate. 

So, here we were. Having a very long Valentine’s dinner. And we made it fun. We laughed and joked with each other and those around us most of the evening. 

To our surprise, as we neared the end of our dinner, some cocktails and a dessert showed up on our table. We tried to catch our server’s attention, sure that a mistake had been made and that we had received someone else’s orders. I caught her eye, and to my surprise, she gestured with a hand to her heart and a smile, and mouthed the words thank you.

She was thanking us, with the extra goodies, for being patient and kind. For understanding that she was doing the best that she could. 

I was so touched.

 Kindness has such power, yes? Kindness can reach across to help someone feel seen, heard, cared about and understood. And it makes whatever is going on a bit more bearable. 

What could happen in our world if we all just took a breath to stop and see what each of us may be going through at the time? If we stopped and wondered if what was happening between someone else and us really had nothing to do with us. That maybe they were going through a challenging time right then. 

I think that this will always be one of my favorite memories of Valentine love. The love that is one that simply sees another struggling and offers them some understanding and kindness. That, in a moment in time, stops to see what they may be going through and tries not to add to the challenge that they may already have. The love that is reflected in their eyes and gestures of gratitude. The love that can happen between strangers that is pure and in the moment. 

So, with that in mind I wish you all a happy Valentine’s Day. Whatever you may be going through, I wish you kindness and love.