Starting Over at 70?

Uncategorized 3 Minutes

Redefining life and self while there is still time

Photo by Artem Labunsky on Unsplash

I woke up today feeling so lost. Lost and so very alone. Early morning awakenings can bring these feelings to the surface more for me. 

Who have I been in my life? How can I express who I am more while I am still alive? Who will hear or see me? Does it matter? Do I matter?

The quiet of an early morning is unlike any other, I think. The world is not awake yet. The quiet is still and brings up thoughts, for me, of the final quiet that happens to us all. 

I turned 70 this past April, and the feel of that is still reverberating inside me. 70. And yet, in some ways, I feel like I am just beginning again.

After retiring over three years ago, I have now been devoting time to writing and to painting, neither of which I had the time or energy to really pay attention to while I was busy working. I got focused on the job, the career, and lost these pieces of myself. For a while. They never went away, thankfully.

So, here I am at 70. Feeling the reality of mortality. The much shorter length of the road ahead of me compared to the road behind me. Where did all those years go? 

What do I do now? How do I live the best life that I can, as I watch my body continue to age and change? What will I be able to do and for how long? 

I still feel all the feelings of each age that I have been. 

I can still get lost in childlike wonder as I gaze at the beauty of nature, of animals, of this earth. I can still delight in a carousel ride, even if others find that laughable. I stop and pause in absolute humility as I gaze at all the life forms that we are fortunate enough to still have on this planet. It’s humbling. I am in awe of it all. 

 I can still feel the delight of sensuality and attraction, even if there may be no more opportunities to act on these with someone else. Even if no one sees that in me anymore. Even if others want to deny that these feelings still exist within an elder. They do. I am alive, after all. 

 I can still feel the delight of seeing something that came through me, like a piece of writing or a painting. I feel wonder at the life force that flows through us all, getting expressed in whatever individual ways of expressing that we may each have. So many ways for our unique voices to be expressed. To be delighted in. 

 I feel the sadness of loss (perhaps more so as I continue aging with the losses coming faster and more frequently). 

I feel the absolute delight in being alive. The taste of food, the soft feel of the grass beneath my feet, the stunning palette of the skies with its different moods and weather, the ease with which tears can come more frequently with age as I stop and notice all the wonder around me that I may not have had time to really stop and take in before. The sensuality of being alive. 

I feel the struggle to accept the inevitable changes that aging brings. I do my best to maintain what I can, and time marches on. I have an expiration date. 

I feel it all. Sometimes I feel as if I cannot contain it all. It leaks out in tears. I am grateful, even for those tears. They are a part of still being alive, still being here on this earth, still feeling all the precious gifts of being human. Some of them may feel more pleasant than others, and yet they are all a gift. We can still feel. We are still here. 

So, I will pick myself up this morning, and carry on. Go to the gym so that I can keep moving for as long as I can. Paint a bit as I prepare for the annual art show that the art association that I belong to has each fall, still not quite believing that I belong with this group. Writing this morning here to express this all and to share with those who may relate, as well as to give voice to what is within me.

And maybe I’ll go for a walk in the redwoods, and listen to the sound of the wind blowing through the leaves. It speaks to my soul. For me, it feels like the voice of God whispering. I will keep listening and let it fill me. And remind me that I am still here to feel it all. Still alive. 

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Published by josaiawrites

I am a woman navigating the journey of aging and all that this involves. I am a writer, and am looking to share the ups and downs and challenges and joys of this journey and time of life, and also wanting to call other women (and men who may relate) to fully claim their voice, passion and life!

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20 thoughts on “Starting Over at 70?”

    1. Thank you so much for your response. I agree with you about caring less what others think, although I do still notice reactions and let them in a bit more than I’d like. But I’m working on it! No time to waste!

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  4. When you get that morning feeling again, try this:
    Appear to yourself and say something kind (is that sort of like an out of body experience?).
    “Good Morning Beautiful” could be a good start or “Oi, oi, oi, you got this mate!” if you are feeling saddened.

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    1. Thanks, mate! I actually do try and do that sometimes. Or at least I try and talk back to the negative voices inside. It helps stop them for a bit. Kindness, especially toward ourselves, is very underrated.

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  5. I found your post so beautiful and meaningful when I read it the other day.. I wanted to think about it before writing but words fail me. May the whispering in the forest feed your soul and linger, may a new day be a comfortable place for you, that feeling can be so horrible to wake up to. I wish you joy-filled mornings instead 🙏🦋🌺

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  6. Hi Jo!

    This is Kay (from Whale Camp). Hope this finds you doing well!

    Wondered if you were planning any NatHab travel in 2024?

    I’m starting to get the travel bug and looking at the catalog at the ‘all women’ offerings (preferably).

    Monarchs is my focus right now but open to others. It would be awesome to have a travel buddy!

    Look forward to hearing from you–

    Blessings!- Kay

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    1. Hi Kay,
      I tried sending a reply yesterday, but not sure that it went through.
      It’s great to hear from you!
      I have had some thoughts about travel again… So let’s talk about it more. I’m pretty open to ideas. It would be great to have you as a travel buddy!
      I tried sending an email as well… Not sure that went through either?
      Hope you are doing well. 💜
      Jo
      My email is josaia9@gmail.com

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  7. Aging does have it challenges. I think doing what makes you happy and not worrying about what others think is the best way to go. Do what you do for yourself first and others second! Sounds selfish, but it is not.

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  8. Enjoyed reading this. I just turned 70 in October and am still coming to terms with this as it still feels surreal to me. I find great comfort in ageing along with friends of the same age as when we are together we still feel and act like 30 somethings (ignoring the inevitable aches and pains that come with age)! So important to have friendships that sustain us.

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