Once Again, There Are No Words

How to even write about such senseless violence ?

I am simultaneously so very deeply saddened and horrified.

We have had several recent mass shootings here in California recently. One after the other after the other. Yet another one this morning. 

When will this stop?

Then yesterday the gut wrenching violent video from Memphis was released to the public. A horror that I could not make myself look away from. The dark depths that human cruelty can reach. The unspeakable pain we can cause each other. The violence and murderous rage that seem to have no end to them. I am unable to even imagine the depth of a mother’s anguish at losing a son that was trying to come home to her. A son that she will never see again. 

How do we even begin to write about this, talk about this? 

 I found myself crying along with the congressman who was unable to speak through his tears as he tried to address what had happened. How those tears spoke volumes more than any words could. A grief that is best expressed as sobs and heaving shoulders in trying to contain the waves of deep, inconsolable pain. 

There really are no words adequate for something like this.

And yet, we must try and name this more. Name the darkness that we can descend into so that we can better know it, understand it, and then hopefully not act from it. Perhaps find a way to express these frightening parts of ourselves without having to hurt anyone else. 

What is it that can cause people to hate others because of their race, their religion, their gender, or a thousand other things that make someone the “other”? What gets triggered to tap into the primitive part that reacts and loses all reason? What causes someone to shoot groups of people? Innocent children? How do groups feed on each others’ rage and frustrations to then do unspeakable things they might not possibly do as individuals? 

How do we begin to train those that are meant to deal with people in the most difficult of times and circumstances? How do we teach them to know themselves and things that may get triggered so they don’t act from these places inside of them? How do we address that these things are part of the human condition that we must all learn to deal with? 

I see much love and kindness in the world, and I try to spread those things as well, in my own small way. 

And I also know that we are more than that. That we must come to know and own our darkness so that we can then be more conscious of all that is inside of us. So we can have more choice in each moment. So we can learn ways to feel what may be going on inside and find a way to deal with it in the moment. In a way that doesn’t have to include taking others’ lives, shattering families, shattering communities, shaking us to our very core. 

Can we find a way to have unspeakable tragedies bring us together in our grief and humanity?

Can we find a way to come back to working together, to finding what we have in common with each other instead of the differences? Can we find a way to learn to understand and accept and even appreciate those differences?

Can we find a way to own our fears and rages and primitive reactions so that we are the ones directing the actions and not them?

Can we find a way to not create any more tears than life already brings us?

I have lived long enough in this aging journey to know that these questions have no simple answers. 

And I also know that we have to keep asking them. Until we can find our way back home to each other.