Not allowing others to define them for us

Have you noticed how certain words can been turned around to almost mean the opposite of what they originally were, or at the very least, been given a very negative connotation that twists everything around and makes no sense. 

Woke

When did it become a bad thing to be awake to what is happening around us, to others, to the earth, to pain and suffering? I want to be awake, aware of all that is going on around me, awake to the feelings and injustices and pain, as well as to the joy and kindness unseen. I claim my wokeness with pride.

Sensitive

I think of sensitive as being sensitive to the nuances of what is going on, sensitive to what others may be feeling, sensitive to the sound of the trees whispering, the tides, the rivers and creeks, the breath of another, the touch of a breeze, the smile of a loved one, the deep pain of loss and of love (two sides of the same coin), the joy of deep laughter, the suffering of others, including non-humans, sensitive to the screams of the earth as we destroy her. Sensitive listens differently, listens with the heart as well as the ears, listens for what might not be said with words, but with eyes, with body, with atmosphere, with sighs. Being sensitive is being open to what is around us, feeling others’ pain and therefore not wanting to cause any pain to others.

Please stop calling our narcissist-in-chief sensitive. He is easily wounded, as narcissists can be, easily offended and immediately driven to vengeance. He has a fragile and fear-based sense of self that is easily offended and shaken, a deep insecurity that cannot withstand a mirror being held up to it. He uses bullying, name-calling, hatred-spewing, division-spreading, all while normalizing cruelty and finding someone else to call as enemy and then blaming them for everything. This is not sensitive, but rather the traits of a narcissist, sensitive only to his own ego.

He, as someone who is so deeply injured and furious with everyone who does not adore him, cannot fill the empty space inside, try as he might. He can only look outward as to what he thinks might be causing his pain, never able to see inside his own soul. Perhaps he is the definition of what abuse can do and can look like if left unchecked and then given power, dangerous in projecting everything onto others and seeking retribution for wounds that cannot be healed. He is weakness disguised as blustery anger. It may be that his very soul was taken, with cruelty being the language that was spoken. He seems to have learned that lesson well.

 Kindness and empathy

Kindness and empathy have been called a form of weakness. The truth is, it takes strength to be kind, to look outside yourself and see someone else, really see them, to feel what they might be feeling, to allow yourself to be vulnerable enough to reach out your hand to them, open your heart to them, stand beside them in their/our humanity and suffering.

Diversity and inclusion 

 Diversity and inclusion are now portrayed as things to be destroyed. Yet diversity can bring richness as we weave together different colors and cultures into a tapestry of all that humanity can be. Being inclusive is the opposite of what bullies do. It is seeing the connection between all of us rather than being threatened by what is different. It welcomes, much like Lady Liberty does (or did), with arms that can hold us all, can love us all, can bring us all together as one family. 

Old 

Here is another word that can be maligned. Old somehow is feared, pushed aside and out of view, discounted…rather than seen as wisdom, experience, the future of us all if we are lucky enough to reach old age. Old is proof of resilience and a life lived, of risks taken, of pains endured and grown from, of eyes that have learned to see beneath the surface to what is real and authentic for those with the courage to look and see. I claim my membership in the powerful tribe of elders with humility and hopefully some grace. 

Feminine 

Being called feminine has been used to mean being less than, weak, referring only surface appearances and sometimes used in a derogatory way toward men. But feminine is the source of us all, it is where and who we came from. Femininity is soft yet resilient, able to withstand the pain of the generations and keep pushing forward, has strength (even if quieter at times) that will not be stilled, will not be stopped, will not be conquered. It can be the soft embrace that can melt monsters, and when necessary, stand up firmly against them.

Masculine 

This word has at times been defined in terms of conquering, taking, bullying, attacking, dominating. Yet being masculine can be both strong and gentle, protective without claiming ownership, powerfully soft and calming, kneeling in humility to powers greater than itself, melding and joining, unafraid to combine with feminine, to become stronger together.

Emotional 

 This word has been defined as being weak and out of control. Yet those who can feel their emotions, work with them, understand them and what they are trying to tell us, can weave them into a life that includes this rich part of being human. Emotions can call us to action when needed, can rally us around a cause that is just. If we don’t own our own emotions, then others can manipulate and use them against us and against others, can divide us rather than unite us, can spark into fires that burn and destroy rather than into flames that get to the truth to create room and air for growth. 

Rage

 Rage can often be defined in negative terms, especially for women. Yet rage is what is needed to know that something is wrong, that battles may need to be fought, that there is injustice around us. There is righteous rage, with the purpose of protecting ourselves and each other. This is not rage that divides, maligns, and creates false divisions, but rather, a rage that slices through rhetoric to the truth, rage that says enough, rage that sets needed boundaries, rage that speaks in a voice that demands to be heard.

Immigrants

I am a daughter of immigrants. I have always seen immigrants as brave, as having the courage to leave home and look for a better life, trying hard to learn about their new home and its ways, struggling to learn a new language, a new culture, while still maintaining some sense of the home that they used to belong to. Now the word immigrant has been given a label oof enemy and something to be removed, like a disease. We are a country of immigrants. And many immigrants are not criminal, but rather fellow humans trying to find a home, a place to live and raise their families, a place to grow. These are new members of our country, like our ancestors once were, trying to live, provide, and thrive.

Words can be powerful. Let us use them for the power that they can wield and not allow ourselves to be manipulated or let others define what our reality is, when we know our own truth deep inside. Maybe kindness, inclusion, empathy, sensitivity, femininity, rage, being emotional, getting older, being woke…all of these are badges of honor and labels we can reclaim with pride. Let us defend our right to own our words and use them as intended in a world where we can care for and about each other, where we defend each of our rights to live and be who we are.