The Normalization of Cruelty

Our leaders are setting a pattern, and I must resist

I feel very sad today. The politics in our country recently have felt so demoralizing, infuriating, depressing, sad. Today it is hitting me more. Maybe because the 4th of July, Independence Day, is coming up this week, and it feels so very different this year.

I have never talked about politics so much in my life. And I find myself writing about it a lot. I need to get some of it out of me, to be able to take the next breath, to be able to focus and write about other things as well. Please bear with me as I vent a bit more today.

I still feel shocked at watching our democracy being destroyed by someone who wants power and will do whatever it takes to get that, who lies and projects all that he is onto others, who creates chaos and destruction while he works on something even more evil, quietly, quickly.

I am an elder and have lived through many fights for freedom in this beloved country of ours. We are imperfect, for sure. But we had an intention, at least by many, to do better, to be better.

That’s not true so much these days, given those currently in power.

Yet, I know that there are many of us who still believe in peace, in inclusion, in the welcome that our Statue of Liberty greeted others with. We are still here. How do we find our way back? Can we? Will I live long enough to see this madness turn around? What can I do?

How do I express my rage in a way that does not drop me down to the level of those that I see doing these things that I detest. How do I maintain my integrity yet fight for what I believe in my soul is right. How do I navigate the waters of the dominant cruelty that I see and hear. How do I not only survive but fight to pass on some of the glory and love that I have known our country to stand for.

We have many faults in our history. Racism, many isms, things we need to keep working on, to do better, to be better. And we have been trying to work on it, albeit imperfectly and way too slowly.

But now the fear in those who are currently in power and don’t want to lose it grows large and turns to hate, retribution, and cruelty. Evil threatens to take over. Hatred threatens to drown out love, light, and hope. And cruelty and violence seem to trickle down at times, as if there has been permission to operate from the darkness and hatred.

I do not believe that this is who we are, deep down. We are better than this. America is better than this.

We cannot give up. There is too much at stake. Our silence and sense of being overwhelmed is what is used against us. We must protest. We must keep on. We must fight for peace, use our anger to fight for love, use our rage to defeat evil, and use our righteous anger to set the boundaries and say ENOUGH.

As a child, I felt powerless, having grown up in a completely authoritarian home. I was to be seen and not heard. I was to be what they expected. I was never to talk back, to disagree, to express a difference of opinion, to be a self that was not what the powers that be wanted me to be. I had to swallow my Self, quiet my voice, and wait until I could get out.

So, I learned to endure until I could escape. I did, finally. I fought with everything that I had to get free, to make my own way. Have I had a perfect life? No. Do I have amazing accomplishments to show for it? Not really. But I have me. Me. I found the Self that was silenced, but not destroyed, that was still there inside of me. I have my voice.

Now here I am as an elder, and some of those old feelings are coming back. I once again feel the fears, fear of expressing who I am, what I feel and think. I see minorities being targeted, hated, deported, imprisoned. I see division created, with false categories of us and them. I see young women treated once again in ways that I thought we were breaking free from. I see chaos created, lost souls trying to survive, cruelty being normalized. I know that there is still much kindness in our country as I see and feel it every day. But this is not the news that we hear and see and not what we are constantly fed.

No, this cruelty and destruction must not happen. We have seen this in the history of our world and we need to learn from that.

I must do more this time than cry quietly in my room as I did when I was a powerless child. What I learned to do then, to endure, was what a child can do. But we are not children and we have more power than we realize.

I don’t have enough time or life left to endure, as I am at the later end of my life. So, what can I do while I am still on this earth? What can I do to help others to not be treated with hatred and as if they are less than. What can I possibly do to help turn this around. What can one voice, a voice that took me a lifetime to finally find, do?

I don’t know the answer yet. What I do know is that there are many voices that are aligned with mine and that we must come together to claim our power. I must keep trying, keep talking, writing, protesting, praying, yelling, contributing where and when I can, showing up, and not enduring.

No more enduring. I have already mastered that skill. Now is the time to work on something else. It’s time to rebel, resist, come together with others loudly, as well as quietly, time to fight for our lives and souls, and for the very soul of our beloved country.

I hope and want to celebrate another 4th of July in a country that celebrates freedom of speech, does not condone cruelty, and that extends a welcoming beacon of light and hope to those who want to love this as their home.

If Lady Liberty Could Speak

Remember who I am and who we all are.

I have always loved the Statue of Liberty. Her face is a strong one, filled with determination and force. She is not to be taken lightly. She represents freedom that has been fought for with blood.

Now as an elder woman, perhaps I relate to her on even more levels. I can hear her voice more as I can now hear my own voice. I have slowed down and stopped enough to hear us both and feel what lies deep within us.

She represents freedom won through the years, the right to speak, disagree, and be, and the right to breathe freely without fear. And as a citizen of this country that she represents and that I have deeply loved my whole life, I feel her essence even more, her fierce stand for freedom on so many levels.

Freedom that has been taken for granted.

Freedom that we are in deep danger of losing.

I wonder what she might say to us today. I wonder if she would be horrified at what is going on in our country, the country that she has proudly stood for, a country that she has been a welcoming beam for, where the first sight of her brought tears of gratitude and joy to those coming to her, coming for sanctuary, coming for solace, coming to give their children more than what they had, coming for the freedom to breathe.

What might she say to us all? I can almost hear her voice speaking…Can you hear her?

This is what I hear…

Listen to me. I have been a proud symbol for you. I have stood for the best of what you are and for all that has been fought for. I have been a reminder of what we are, all that we can be, for hope, faith, inclusion, and a sense of welcome and hope.

I am still here and am so sad at what I see happening. I feel the pain of the division among the people that are all part of this great country. I have stood for the freedom and rights that lives were sacrificed for, for the relief of the first breath taken in a free country by those who have been punished, stifled, beaten into submission in other countries where they came from. I have been the symbol for the promise of better things, for the right to speak the truth, the right to protest what feels wrong and unfair, for the right to disagree and yet all be together in one country that is home to us all.

I have been your home, I have been proud to stand tall for you and with you. I want to keep doing that. I am in danger. You are in danger. Our freedom and very breath are in danger. Our lives are in danger.

I know that there has been, for a long time, much to work on, that there have been problems and inequalities and pain for so many. But our intent was still there, written on my very being. Our morals and values were still there, even if we had a long way to go to achieve them. We can work on those problems together, but we do not have to destroy ourselves.

Confusion is planted everywhere. Words are used to mean the opposite of what their intention is. Anyone labeled as other has become demonized. Privilege and power are being granted to the few. Color, race, and different countries of origin are demonized. Humanity is being divided against itself, while those doing the dividing are quietly destroying everything for their own purposes.

Listen to me before it is too late.

I was born out of revolution and the desire for freedom. It was a fight that was hard won. Now I see it being dissolved and “disappeared”. We are deporting people that helped to make this country what it is, people who work hard to provide, who are proud and grateful to be here, and who don’t take this for granted. People, most of them not criminals, are being kicked out and sent to prisons and detention centers. Those who are different are being hated and named the enemy. They are your brothers and sisters. They may have come here to find me later than you did, but your ancestors were just like them. That is why you are here. Now you want to take that away.

We are a country of immigrants. Coming together should make you stronger, the differences weaving into a cloth that is harder to unravel because of all the variations, colors, hues and fabrics that come together to make it stronger. It is beauty that is being painted as ugly. It is our very foundation that is being destroyed around us.

What do I need to do to get your attention? What can I say? How can I make you hear me and heed my warning, pain, and fear?

To those who have been chosen to lead people, represent them in government, but are now quietly submitting to a dictator and would-be-king… Wake up. What are you doing? Listen to the crowds protesting. Listen to the fear and hatred that is being sown to distract you from all the destruction that is being done. Listen to those for whom you work and their pleas to you to do what is expected of you, to do what they voted for you to do, to do your job.

To those quietly despairing, I hear you and I understand. The danger is real. Do not give up. Do not be quiet. Do not be hopeless. I come from revolution, from fighting, from refusing to be dictated to, from refusing to have liberty taken away. Do not let them win.

I am still here. You are still here. There has been a lot of damage done, yes, but it is not over yet. If you start believing that it is over, then it will be. This is what they want you to believe. This is why I am speaking to you, calling you to be your best selves, crying out to you to keep me standing here, proud and welcoming. I am you. Do not let me die. We are stronger than this. Stand behind me and with me. United we are more powerful than evil. United we are America. Help me continue to stand proud for generations to come. We can do this, and we must.

Maybe it’s time to listen to Lady Liberty and all the older women among us and heed our call. Hear our strength, listen to our memories of battles fought and won, feel our spirit and determination, and carry forward what is the best of us all.

She Doth Protest

Claiming our voices

I participated in another protest recently on No Kings Day. I joined a group of friends over in the next city to be together with them.

It was interesting to notice, with a bit of surprise, that there was such an element of joy in our togetherness, in our feeling the same about what we were protesting, in our showing up and being connected. We were, and are, protesting something very significant and important, and in my opinion, dangerous. And here we were, with all kinds of signs, some of them quite creative and direct, I might add.

We chanted, we waved at cars passing by as they honked their horns in support, we marched down to the center of town, we listened to speakers and sang along with them, and we were united. Smiling at each other, taking photos of our signs, talking about what we needed to keep doing to change things, we knew that we must be visible and use our voices, our votes, our togetherness and the power of our numbers.

I am humbled by all who came together. I felt, for the first time in a while, a glimmer of hope. There are many of us. We are not happy with what is going on and we are not quiet about it.

We were such an inclusive group. There were immigrants, younger and older folks, gay, black, Latino, white, women, men, and children learning what democracy is about and actions that are needed. We were all together for one reason.

My background is one where my voice was quieted and discouraged. Children were to be seen and heard. As a daughter of immigrants, I felt pressure to succeed and do extra well in order to please my parents and represent them well. As a female, I was also taught that my voice was less significant, less powerful, that my role was to be a caregiver, to please, to be gentle, kind, and always giving, to not get angry, to not get loud, to not call attention to myself.

Enough. Age has given me gifts. One of those gifts has been finding my voice. I am so grateful that it never left me and was only patiently waiting to be acknowledged and to be expressed.

My role, even in my career as a social worker, was to be the caretaker. I took this role in relationships as well, quieting my own voice, even without being asked. It didn’t help the relationships at all because I wasn’t showing up. You can’t have a successful relationship if only one person shows up or uses their voice.

These days I am embracing the words enough and no. I am enjoying the feel and protection of boundaries. Boundaries that I set…Imagine that!

I embrace finally claiming not having to please anyone, not having to worry about others’ opinions. I have finally claimed my freedom of speech. How ironic that as I have grown into this, my country is being threatened with having this precious freedom taken away.

I must admit that for a while I have been in shock from all that is going on in our country and have reverted back to feeling helpless and powerless. Those childhood lessons die hard.

But, enough. No more. I will not give up what I have worked so hard for, and I will fight to have my country keep the freedom that it has fought so hard for. Is this county perfect? Far from it. Is there room for improvement? A lot. Does it need to be destroyed completely, given up to those few that want all the power and money and make empty promises to their followers, to whom they have lied to all along? No. No. No.

Enough. How wonderful to be part of a group that protests. And there were so many groups across the whole country. I will be an active member of this group. I will not give in to fear and I will not go back to being quietly submissive.

Since that protest, there have been more distractions to take away that feeling of joy and hope. More chaos occurs every day. It is part of the strategy, I believe, to keep us off balance and distracted. We must stay centered and focused. We must remember the great number of us that showed up that day to express our rage, to hold hands, to help remind each other of who we have been, who we are, and who, I hope, can get back to.

I am now an older woman, and I have had enough. I will continue, as long as I can, to hold hands with my fellow Americans, and I use that term very inclusively, to fight for what this country has always stood for and can stand for again, can fight for again, can get back again.

Feeling Lost

The world has changed and I can’t find my way. Yet.

Our country is in the midst of so much change. It feels chaotic, overwhelming, and like it’s too much. Some say that this is the tactic, to overwhelm us so that we cannot find our center, cannot get balanced, cannot think clearly and get lost in the sea of chaos, confusion, and destruction.

I agree that our political system needed reform, revamping, cleaning up. But that is not, in my opinion, what is happening. What I see is that our system is methodically being destroyed, piece by piece. The rhetoric would have us believe that it is for our good and to make us great. What I see is that it is for the good of a few and can make their wallets greater than they already are, with the cost being left for the rest of us to bear.

A would-be-king and bully (and in my opinion, this would-be-king shows no love for his subjects, only love for power and money and those who have it) is slowly trying to take over, change everything that we have stood for in this country, and destroy all rule of law. Laws that, even though imperfect, are meant to keep us safe, to help us progress, to be for our good. Instead of these laws, we are being told to conform, agree, and offer praise to this would-be-king. And fear begins to be planted for what might happen to any who disagree. Free speech is disappearing. Education and research are disappearing. Inclusion and the goal of unity for us all, which we desperately need, are disappearing. Divisiveness and hatred are being modeled and even rewarded. Killers are being pardoned and those who dare to disagree are being sought for the purpose of retribution. We are being separated from those who have been our allies and friends.

We can no longer disagree in a civil manner. Now what we are seeing is that everyone who doesn’t agree is called the other, an enemy to be hated and destroyed. What happened to the land of the free? What happened to the land that welcomed all with open arms, which promised to help them get a better life for them and their families? What happened to the country that was a world leader that tried to stand for values and ethics and the greater good, again, imperfectly, but at least the intention was there. There was pride for who we were and what we stood for, what we believed in, what our deepest core values were.

I am dismayed, shocked and frightened about all that is going on. I pray that resistance grows and gets strengthened, that our politicians, who we voted to help represent all of us, grow a backbone and do just that. I am sad. I am now an elder, so my time is short, but I worry about future generations. My young neighbors and their babies…what world will they inherit? This earth that is ours to take care of now will be more quickly raped, destroyed, and drilled, baby, drilled. The trees, the land, the creatures, this precious earth that is our home is being ravaged. She is our mother, and we are raping her. The animals are our fellow beings on this earth, and we are destroying them one by one.

Our forefathers tried to build in safeguards so that democracy could last. The Constitution was formed for a reason, and it is being ignored. Judges and orders are ignored. Non-elected people are allowed access to our private data, simply because they are wealthy. Wealthy financially, but certainly not in compassion, empathy and humanity. Being in tune with this is called woke. When did being awake to issues become a pejorative word? When did kindness get thrown out of the political arena? Are we now condoning violence as the best method to achieve what we want? Do we now feel the right to claim land that belongs to others? Do we now alienate our neighboring countries, neighbors who have helped us during disasters?

I have never felt shame about being an American before, and that makes me very sad. I love this country, but I do not love what is happening now. Can it be turned back around? I fear that some of the damage will take a long time to repair, if ever. How quickly it is being destroyed. I no longer doubt the power of cults.

People’s pain, suffering, and vulnerability have been manipulated and used to absorb them into this cult, with promises that cannot be kept, with words that have no substance, with lies that are believed to be truths.

The emperor has no clothes, but the followers will not see it.

We are in danger. The truth is painted as lies, while lies masquerade as truth. Critical thinking is maligned. The poisonous Kool-Aid has been swallowed.

That’s my darkness within and my fear. Those are my thoughts.

And yet, I cannot give up hope. I see and hear more about growing resistance. I was heartened to see all the protests on President’s Day. But we need to do more. Calls are being made to officials. Will they hear us? Companies are being boycotted. Will the rich buy them off or subsidize what their losses might be? Our president has been bought, and maybe the last election as well. We were proud to show what a peaceful transfer of power looked like. I wonder if this was the best way to proceed. Did we play right into their hands?

Was the country so afraid to elect a woman, and perhaps especially a black woman? Did they capitalize on racism and misogyny to diminish her. Do we really have a VP who thinks that childless women are worthless, unhappy, and unfulfilled in their lives. Women’s rights to decisions about their own bodies have been taken away.

Did we really have someone giving a Nazi salute with no consequences. Did they really cheer that salute and try to gaslight us into thinking it was something else.

We are being gaslighted in so many ways, and it can make us all feel crazy. We need to come together. We are stronger than this. We can do better. I need to believe that. I need to have hope. I need to use my voice and encourage others to do the same. We are more than this.

God help us all. Kindness and love are strong, often stronger than they get credit for. But we must also set boundaries where limits need to be set. We cannot allow ourselves to be destroyed. How do we come back together? Can we?

Letter From a Childless Cat Lady

Childless, not heartless, not purposeless.

I need to address the childless cat lady comment that was recently made by JD Vance, a candidate for vice president. This comment was so deeply offensive and completely ignorant of what we childless cat ladies can offer and who we are.

Full disclosure- I currently do not have any kitties. I lost two 17-year-old kitties (I had them with me since they were kittens) within 6 months of each other soon after I retired, four years ago. My heart is still broken. And I hesitate, at age 71, to get another. What if the kitty outlives me? I would need plan for this possibility. Can I handle yet another deep grief of loss? I don’t know. Aging brings so many losses, and to invite another furry creature into my home can invite loss. But I may still do so at some point, given that the joy of love can outweigh the pain of loss, and armed with the knowledge that love and loss are always a package deal.

Yes, I am one of those childless cat ladies.

And I have a huge heart. I love deeply. I am compassionate. I care-take and give from my core.

I am strong. I support and give to many causes. Those causes include children and all those suffering, both human and non-human. I contribute to the future. I mentor. I try to help pass along the torch to younger women.

I am more than a potential child-bearing human. I have a worth that is separate from that. I mother others in many ways, as the word mother can also be used a verb that has nothing to do with biological children.

I can teach about solitude, about ways to love that are other than bearing children. I honor mothers deeply and all that they do. It is a sacred role. And I can offer support to those women that do have children. I can be a member of their tribe and offer comfort and kindness.

Rather than accept once again the frequent pattern these days of trying to separate us all from each other (childless versus not), perhaps we can focus on coming together and offering more to the world in our different ways. United together, we can be stronger, unlike what this pattern of divide and conquer can offer.

I can help, in a different way, teach young girls of their intrinsic worth, so that those that may choose to not have children (or cannot for other reasons) are encouraged, by seeing role models, for all that women can be, for the complex beings that we are and all that we can do.

As a cat lady, I have learned humility. I have learned about a deep love that is different yet no less worthy. Even when living alone, I have often had furry companions, so that I have learned how to keep myself connected to life and to love. I have found solace, when weary, in the form of furry paws and purrs that greet me when I come home. I stay soft and open. And I think that openness can help the world.

In the past, women who were seen as different became threatening somehow and might have even been labeled as witches …witches with their cats. These witches were portrayed as evil, rather than seen as perhaps women of the earth who might know how to use herbs and plants to cure, who might have had their kitty familiars as loving companions, as soft touches in a world that needs so much healing, as a furry creature to perhaps to come home to after trying to deal with and trying to help heal the earth in some small way. A furry companion can teach humility and lessons in what we can and cannot control. (Cats are excellent teachers of this lesson, a valuable lesson that some of the world might be able to benefit from these days.)

Women of power are often insulted or somehow told that they are less than, that power is not their right. Who has defined what power truly is? Is it in being aggressive, domineering, and invasive, or can it be gentler, kinder, and inclusive of all? Perhaps it can help build relationships rather than amass more land or control. Perhaps it can help bring people together rather than create divisiveness. Maybe it can teach us to love each other rather than promoting fear and conflict.

Yes, I am one of those childless cat ladies.

I am happy to be a cat lady who cherishes solitude from which she can gather herself and her strength to go back out and love, and who understands the difference between alone and lonely. I stand with other women who may have either chosen not to bear children (or perhaps could not for various reasons) but who gives to the next generation, nonetheless. We are women who can remind other women of their intrinsic worth that is separate from any childbearing capacity or history, who can remind young women that their biology does not define them or limit what they can do.

I come to you as an elder at this point, as an elder woman of solitude who very much enjoys the companionship of cats. I am a cat lady who finds solace and love in all of earth’s inhabitants — trees, animals, everything, who can help teach that we are all connected to each other and to this earth, this earth that we must love and take care of, including each other.

Cat-lady? Yes, proudly so, purrfectly so.