My time with an elephant taught me a new kind of love.

There was a time that I was so tired, burned out, feeling lost at my job and the changes that seemed to invalidate me, my values, and my work. My job, even though in the human services, became more about efficiency and less about human kindness. I wasn’t sure if I could survive much longer. 

And as life is, there was also stress from trying to take care of my aging mother in what had always been a complicated relationship. There were other significant relationships that ended. At one point I had some health issues that were terrifying for a while but thankfully turned out ok. I felt like my world was falling apart and that I couldn’t cope anymore. I felt done with people, burned out and drained. 

Maybe, I thought, I could do something during my free time to be around animals, as I have always felt such a connection to them. They bring me peace and joy. They bring me quiet in the middle of all the noise. 

I contacted the local zoo that I had visited many times. It was a zoo that seemed to care about its animals (yes, it was still a zoo, which is not ideal, but compared to other zoos that I had seen, it seemed much better. They had many rescued animals and worked hard to educate people about animal advocacy and co-existence.)

So, off I went to sign up for the volunteer informational meeting. I learned in that meeting that there was something called behavior observation, where volunteers observed and recorded behaviors of the animals to gather more information to help the zoo provide better care for them.

Liking the sound of that, I signed up and attended the orientation session for the behavior observation team. After the informational session, the staff asked which animals we each might prefer to work with. I had no idea, so I put down three possibilities, knowing that I would accept any assignment. Elephants were one of my three choices. 

I got chosen for the elephant behavior observation team.

Little did I know that this assignment, this change in my structure and routine, would help save my sanity and my life.

For two-hour shifts, I would observe these amazing animals, these majestic and sacred creatures, live their life. Sometimes I even got to do longer shifts in the evenings. Those shifts were filled with walking up and down the walkway in front of the exhibit, trying to stay warm and awake, bundled up in layers, with coffee and some snacks. The snacks were mostly for some other little friends, like the squirrels, who would stop by to see what was being offered. 

 I laugh when I remember at one point putting down the bag of nuts on a bench while I stepped away for a few moments to better see the elephants. When I returned to the bench, the bag was completely empty! Clearly, I needed to bring even more snacks for the next time. Message received and understood. 

Back to the elephants.

I have been lucky enough to have had the privilege of observing these wonderful elephants for over 11 years. I never tire of watching and being with them. 

During these past 11 years, we have lost our three females. A year ago, we moved the last remaining female to a beautiful elephant sanctuary, as females need to be in a herd, even more quickly than males do. Males in the wild will often be solitary, being kicked out of the herd when they reach a certain age, or they will hook up with other males and be part of male bachelor groups. But even male elephants eventually need to be around their own kind. 

Our male, Osh, has been on his own for a year now, and it will soon be time for him to move to this same sanctuary. There are thousands of acres and other elephants there for him to get to know and be with and there are no visitors allowed. These wonderful elephants get to live their lives in peace and just be elephants. I am happy for him.

 I am also deeply sad to lose him in my life. I have been grieving this upcoming loss for a while now and will continue to do so as we prepare for his departure this fall. And I remember that I want the very best for him. Love means letting go when you need to, difficult as that can be. 

 During my time of observations, Osh and I got to spend extra time together. I would show up early for my shift and then get to spend extra time watching him before the keepers were ready to have the elephants on the exhibit. He would be in a grassy meadow just to the side of the main exhibit while the staff was down in the barn area providing daily care to the females. There were times that he would stand in front of me (with heavy gates and fences always in between us, of course). We would stand there feeling each other’s presence, being together in that moment. 

I felt his essence. I remember one of the zookeepers, when walking by, commented that Osh and I seemed to be having a moment. Yes, we were. I cannot explain it, but I felt it. I like to believe that he did too. 

I have come to deeply love this elephant. It is a love that is beyond words. What a gift that is, to know how deeply we can love and connect. What a beautiful part of being human and connecting not only with each other, but with another species.

There is something so amazing about being able to stand in front of another being, simply watching. I think that it is impossible to not fall in love with that being. There seems to be a lesson in that (one of many) about love. Love is watching, learning, observing, and paying attention, with no expectations of anything in return. 

But the truth is that I got a lot in return. A lot.

All these elephants have taught me about being in the moment. They helped me survive what felt like brutal work weeks. They helped me smile and enjoy, stop, slow down and see beauty in the differences between us. (And they made being large, having wrinkles and having saggy skin look good!) 

Time with Osh has been one of my most precious gifts. As an elder, I have noticed that I am much more selective about who I spend time with, opting for quality much more than quantity. For me, it is better to be alone than to be in the company of someone who does not nourish me. Time is precious. I don’t wish anyone harm, but I don’t have to spend my time with everyone. This, for me, has been one of the gifts of aging.

Lessons of Wisdom from my Elephant Friends.

There are so many lessons that I have been lucky enough to learn from these wonderful beings.

Size doesn’t matter. Slow down and be who you are. Enjoy each moment. Savor each treat. Don’t tolerate those you don’t want to have around you and don’t hesitate to let them know. Reach out to those of your herd. Touch each other. (Elephants have the sweetest way of touching and twirling their trunks together when they are close to each other.)

Spend time with your herd, and spend time alone when you need it too, although you can keep your herd in sight. Stand in your own presence and power. Calm down and breathe. Do what you need to when you need to do it. Connect with your herd and with others who are kind. Remember who those beings are. Play when you feel like it, simply for the joy of playing. Get mud all over yourself to protect your skin, to cool off, and to keep the pests away. Don’t worry about what you look like. Own your majestic muddy presence. 

 Just be and don’t worry about doing or performing or pleasing anyone else. Never forget that you are wild. Never let others forget that either. Remember your power and your voice. Trumpet as needed. 

One of the biggest lessons of all is that even though it can be excruciatingly painful to lose who and what we love, loving deeply is worth the pain. I have, in the past, doubted my ability to love deeply, due to childhood issues. I don’t doubt that anymore. You taught me that my heart is big enough to hold an elephant inside. And so, it does, and always will.