The world has changed and I can’t find my way. Yet.

Our country is in the midst of so much change. It feels chaotic, overwhelming, and like it’s too much. Some say that this is the tactic, to overwhelm us so that we cannot find our center, cannot get balanced, cannot think clearly and get lost in the sea of chaos, confusion, and destruction. 

I agree that our political system needed reform, revamping, cleaning up. But that is not, in my opinion, what is happening. What I see is that our system is methodically being destroyed, piece by piece. The rhetoric would have us believe that it is for our good and to make us great. What I see is that it is for the good of a few and can make their wallets greater than they already are, with the cost being left for the rest of us to bear. 

A would-be-king and bully (and in my opinion, this would-be-king shows no love for his subjects, only love for power and money and those who have it) is slowly trying to take over, change everything that we have stood for in this country, and destroy all rule of law. Laws that, even though imperfect, are meant to keep us safe, to help us progress, to be for our good. Instead of these laws, we are being told to conform, agree, and offer praise to this would-be-king. And fear begins to be planted for what might happen to any who disagree. Free speech is disappearing. Education and research are disappearing. Inclusion and the goal of unity for us all, which we desperately need, are disappearing. Divisiveness and hatred are being modeled and even rewarded. Killers are being pardoned and those who dare to disagree are being sought for the purpose of retribution. We are being separated from those who have been our allies and friends. 

We can no longer disagree in a civil manner. Now what we are seeing is that everyone who doesn’t agree is called the other, an enemy to be hated and destroyed. What happened to the land of the free? What happened to the land that welcomed all with open arms, which promised to help them get a better life for them and their families? What happened to the country that was a world leader that tried to stand for values and ethics and the greater good, again, imperfectly, but at least the intention was there. There was pride for who we were and what we stood for, what we believed in, what our deepest core values were.

I am dismayed, shocked and frightened about all that is going on. I pray that resistance grows and gets strengthened, that our politicians, who we voted to help represent all of us, grow a backbone and do just that. I am sad. I am now an elder, so my time is short, but I worry about future generations. My young neighbors and their babies…what world will they inherit? This earth that is ours to take care of now will be more quickly raped, destroyed, and drilled, baby, drilled. The trees, the land, the creatures, this precious earth that is our home is being ravaged. She is our mother, and we are raping her. The animals are our fellow beings on this earth, and we are destroying them one by one. 

Our forefathers tried to build in safeguards so that democracy could last. The Constitution was formed for a reason, and it is being ignored. Judges and orders are ignored. Non-elected people are allowed access to our private data, simply because they are wealthy. Wealthy financially, but certainly not in compassion, empathy and humanity. Being in tune with this is called woke. When did being awake to issues become a pejorative word? When did kindness get thrown out of the political arena? Are we now condoning violence as the best method to achieve what we want? Do we now feel the right to claim land that belongs to others? Do we now alienate our neighboring countries, neighbors who have helped us during disasters? 

I have never felt shame about being an American before, and that makes me very sad. I love this country, but I do not love what is happening now. Can it be turned back around? I fear that some of the damage will take a long time to repair, if ever. How quickly it is being destroyed. I no longer doubt the power of cults. 

People’s pain, suffering, and vulnerability have been manipulated and used to absorb them into this cult, with promises that cannot be kept, with words that have no substance, with lies that are believed to be truths. 

The emperor has no clothes, but the followers will not see it. 

We are in danger. The truth is painted as lies, while lies masquerade as truth. Critical thinking is maligned. The poisonous Kool-Aid has been swallowed. 

That’s my darkness within and my fear. Those are my thoughts.

And yet, I cannot give up hope. I see and hear more about growing resistance. I was heartened to see all the protests on President’s Day. But we need to do more. Calls are being made to officials. Will they hear us? Companies are being boycotted. Will the rich buy them off or subsidize what their losses might be? Our president has been bought, and maybe the last election as well. We were proud to show what a peaceful transfer of power looked like. I wonder if this was the best way to proceed. Did we play right into their hands?

Was the country so afraid to elect a woman, and perhaps especially a black woman? Did they capitalize on racism and misogyny to diminish her. Do we really have a VP who thinks that childless women are worthless, unhappy, and unfulfilled in their lives. Women’s rights to decisions about their own bodies have been taken away. 

Did we really have someone giving a Nazi salute with no consequences. Did they really cheer that salute and try to gaslight us into thinking it was something else.

We are being gaslighted in so many ways, and it can make us all feel crazy. We need to come together. We are stronger than this. We can do better. I need to believe that. I need to have hope. I need to use my voice and encourage others to do the same. We are more than this. 

God help us all. Kindness and love are strong, often stronger than they get credit for. But we must also set boundaries where limits need to be set. We cannot allow ourselves to be destroyed. How do we come back together? Can we?