Tag: family

A Letter to Young Women

I am so very proud of you.

Photo by LinkedIn Sales Solutions on Unsplash

As an elder, with no children of my own, I am lucky enough to have wonderful young women in my life and I am in awe and proud of them all.

I have been privileged to work with young zookeepers at our local zoo, where I have volunteered with the elephants for the last 11 years.

I have watched these young people, mostly women (the wages are too low for most men to accept, sad to say, on so many counts). They are amazing. They work with a 15,000-pound creature, which is no small feat. They look tiny next to him, yet have loved him and taught him things, as he has taught them. They provide physical and emotional care. They love and they work hard, very hard. 

They do what they must and do whatever it takes to provide care for these wonderful creatures. They put in extra hours as needed. They stay late. They lift, move, push, and shine. 

What I want to say to them all.

What I want them to know (and do say to them) is…

I love your strength, your passion, your partnerships with each other, your power, your fearlessness.

You are so powerful, compassionate, and you give me hope for the future. You treat elephants with kindness, and you also treat me with kindness. I am not invisible to you, at least in many important ways.

You face such deep losses with courage and openness. We stand, hold each other and cry together as we prepare to lose the last of our herd at the zoo, who will soon be moved to a beautiful elephant sanctuary. There are no words necessary, just being together and understanding the pain of loss, the pain of love, the pain of letting go, and for you all this happening at such a young age. 

You inspire me. You fill me with pride for women everywhere. 

Role models everywhere.

I watch the young women newscasters on TV and am in awe of their courage, poise, ability to handle tough situations, and stand in their own power in what was such a male dominated field when I was growing up. I delight in thinking about all the young girls who get to see and hear these powerful role models. 

I feel such respect as I go to our local coffeeshop and talk with the young family who owns this. The woman proudly displays photos of her service in the navy. Her pride in having this history is evident. And her children know how important that piece of her history is for her. This is who their mother has been and is. 

I have many women doctors at this point. I am saddened by the pressure that they also feel to rush patients through (I belong to an HMO) and then end up not having enough time to bring their superpower, as women, to our time together. One superpower of many women is that of being able to be with me, hear me, listen to me, or sit with me in any pain that I might be in. I pray that things can change so that these young people (young men and women) can bring all of themselves into this important profession that deals with people at their most vulnerable. 

And now, a woman running for president.

And I am lucky enough to be alive at a time when there is a woman running for president again. And the race is a close one. 

I love watching young girls see her as a candidate and as being a strong woman. They get to watch both her husband, and her male vice-presidential candidate, support her. The role models that I didn’t get to see enough of are now available. I am grateful.

I worry about freedoms that generations before you fought hard to attain, seeing that these freedoms are now threatened.

I worry about the still apparent societal pressure and expectations of how you should look, what size you should be, how you should manage to do it all. It makes me sad that you sometimes don’t see how beautiful you are, each in your own unique way. 

I see the battles still ahead. Among these are the battles to be heard and respected, not interrupted, and to be able to express your voice and have it be heard and seen as the important contribution that it is. 

It all brings me to tears. I, as a daughter of immigrants, had a smaller space that I thought I could occupy in this world. There seemed to be fewer choices in line of work, and in life in general. And with parents coming from another country with different family ideals and values and expectations of women, I tried my best to figure out how to survive and not squash my voice completely. I realized over time that I had forgotten my own voice, being so busy trying to fit into what was mandated, expected, or allowed. 

I don’t want any of that for you. 

My hope and wish for you.

I want you to know your own spirit, your own passions, your own strength, your own voice. I want you to follow that and have the freedom to do that. I want you to have domain over your own bodies. I want you to stand together and not be divided and conquered. I want you to have yourself at the top of the list as to whom you should please. 

I want you to be able to claim your strength, to be able to better discern who and what you may need in a relationship, to mother yourselves and each other. I want you to run free, wear what you want, dress as you please, and know that you are more than enough. You are valuable and wonderful and have every right to claim your space on this earth, in your world, and in the Universe. I want your biology to help raise you up, not to define you by things that you can or cannot do. 

I want you to dance your own dance and to be able to dance even if you don’t have a partner. If you find a partner, I want you to be happy, loved, respected, nourished and cherished, as I would hope that you can do for each other.

And if you are not partnered, I want you to know that you are perfectly ok as you are, by yourself. You can build a community around you, have family and loving friends, and you are no less because you are single. It’s ok. You are ok. You are more than ok. Of course, I wish you love and a partner of quality, but more than that I want you to know that your primary partner is yourself. You are at the top of the list of whom you need to pay attention to and take care of and love. 

You don’t have to twist yourself into shapes and sizes and values that do not fit you. You can be all that you were born to be. You can be your magnificent self. I may not be able to see where you end up and all that you will do, but I am cheering you on every step of the way. You inspire me. And if I can stand with you from beyond, know that I will be there right beside you, with love. 

Letter From a Childless Cat Lady

Childless, not heartless, not purposeless.

Photo by Amber Kipp on Unsplash

I need to address the childless cat lady comment that was recently made by JD Vance, a candidate for vice president. This comment was so deeply offensive and completely ignorant of what we childless cat ladies can offer and who we are.

Full disclosure- I currently do not have any kitties. I lost two 17-year-old kitties (I had them with me since they were kittens) within 6 months of each other soon after I retired, four years ago. My heart is still broken. And I hesitate, at age 71, to get another. What if the kitty outlives me? I would need plan for this possibility. Can I handle yet another deep grief of loss? I don’t know. Aging brings so many losses, and to invite another furry creature into my home can invite loss. But I may still do so at some point, given that the joy of love can outweigh the pain of loss, and armed with the knowledge that love and loss are always a package deal. 

Yes, I am one of those childless cat ladies. 

And I have a huge heart. I love deeply. I am compassionate. I care-take and give from my core. 

I am strong. I support and give to many causes. Those causes include children and all those suffering, both human and non-human. I contribute to the future. I mentor. I try to help pass along the torch to younger women. 

I am more than a potential child-bearing human. I have a worth that is separate from that. I mother others in many ways, as the word mother can also be used a verb that has nothing to do with biological children. 

I can teach about solitude, about ways to love that are other than bearing children. I honor mothers deeply and all that they do. It is a sacred role. And I can offer support to those women that do have children. I can be a member of their tribe and offer comfort and kindness. 

Rather than accept once again the frequent pattern these days of trying to separate us all from each other (childless versus not), perhaps we can focus on coming together and offering more to the world in our different ways. United together, we can be stronger, unlike what this pattern of divide and conquer can offer. 

I can help, in a different way, teach young girls of their intrinsic worth, so that those that may choose to not have children (or cannot for other reasons) are encouraged, by seeing role models, for all that women can be, for the complex beings that we are and all that we can do. 

As a cat lady, I have learned humility. I have learned about a deep love that is different yet no less worthy. Even when living alone, I have often had furry companions, so that I have learned how to keep myself connected to life and to love. I have found solace, when weary, in the form of furry paws and purrs that greet me when I come home. I stay soft and open. And I think that openness can help the world. 

In the past, women who were seen as different became threatening somehow and might have even been labeled as witches …witches with their cats. These witches were portrayed as evil, rather than seen as perhaps women of the earth who might know how to use herbs and plants to cure, who might have had their kitty familiars as loving companions, as soft touches in a world that needs so much healing, as a furry creature to perhaps to come home to after trying to deal with and trying to help heal the earth in some small way. A furry companion can teach humility and lessons in what we can and cannot control. (Cats are excellent teachers of this lesson, a valuable lesson that some of the world might be able to benefit from these days.)  

Women of power are often insulted or somehow told that they are less than, that power is not their right. Who has defined what power truly is? Is it in being aggressive, domineering, and invasive, or can it be gentler, kinder, and inclusive of all? Perhaps it can help build relationships rather than amass more land or control. Perhaps it can help bring people together rather than create divisiveness. Maybe it can teach us to love each other rather than promoting fear and conflict.

Yes, I am one of those childless cat ladies. 

I am happy to be a cat lady who cherishes solitude from which she can gather herself and her strength to go back out and love, and who understands the difference between alone and lonely. I stand with other women who may have either chosen not to bear children (or perhaps could not for various reasons) but who gives to the next generation, nonetheless. We are women who can remind other women of their intrinsic worth that is separate from any childbearing capacity or history, who can remind young women that their biology does not define them or limit what they can do. 

I come to you as an elder at this point, as an elder woman of solitude who very much enjoys the companionship of cats. I am a cat lady who finds solace and love in all of earth’s inhabitants — trees, animals, everything, who can help teach that we are all connected to each other and to this earth, this earth that we must love and take care of, including each other. 

Cat-lady? Yes, proudly so, purrfectly so.