No, not THAT kind of benefit!

As I continue my walk through this land of elderhood, I continue to be surprised by the random gifts and moments of shared experiences and smiles that can come from such unexpected places.

The other day, I had just dropped my car off at the dealer to get it serviced and was waiting for an Uber driver to take me home. I slipped into the car, said hello, and we were on our way.

These rides can be so unique. Some drivers are quiet, some quite talkative, and some seem to try and sense how you are. This was a man who told me that he had just dropped off his son at school, his son being 13. Oh, I said, the start of the teenage years! He laughed, said yes, and said that his son was a good kid. 

He asked what I had planned for the day.

This is such a different question for me since I have retired. I did have plans for the day, but they are certainly different than what I might have said when working, or when running errands on weekends. Do I tell the truth? What will that sound like, I wondered? But, since my goal is to live more authentically these days, I told him that I was going to be doing some writing and some painting. 

To my surprise, he seemed delighted with my response. Really, he asked. All that? And he then went on to share that he also loved to paint and to write. As he told me more about himself, he talked about having worked in many different jobs in his life, such as a firefighter, a paramedic, and other different positions. He said that his primary goal was to spend time with his son while he grew up, to be able to be with him as much as possible and to not spend too much of that precious time to any one job. He talked about his son with such love and tenderness, and how happy he was that he had made this choice. As a matter of fact, he went on to say, he and his son had talked about selling a lot of the stuff that they had accumulated in the house so that he could continue spending more time with his son (like coaching his sport teams) and went on to say that he could continue to work at odd jobs to make money to pay the bills. 

It was such a delight to hear his story, how much heart he had in the decisions that he was making, how happy he was to have this time with his son, how he had no regrets about his choices and how he hoped that he would be a model for his son when he had his own children. 

Here was someone who was living their values to the best of their ability, who was walking the walk and not just talking the talk.

I shared a bit about how, since I had retired, I now had time to do the things that I loved, such as writing, painting, walking in the redwoods, taking classes that I enjoyed, and relishing in solitude when I needed it. I went on to say how I thought that it was wonderful that he was doing this now, not waiting for retirement, to live his life, to enjoy his family, to make choices from his heart and figure out how to make those choices work.

He seemed to be pleased with my comments and encouragement. And I loved being able to be an elder at that moment and let him know how wonderful I thought that what he was doing was, how he was really thinking about what was important and then building his life around that, how he was being as true to what he believed in.

A ride of a few minutes turned into an instant connection. By the time I got out of the car, we both talked about how pleased we were to have met each other. And when I gave him a tip and told him to have a coffee on me, he smiled and said that in fact, he had not had a chance to have his coffee yet that morning and was delighted to have a coffee on me. 

Here it was again, I thought. A random moment of connection that changed the course of my day, that made me smile and helped me feel as if I had touched souls with someone for a moment in time. It didn’t matter that I would most likely never see him again. What mattered was that moment in time that we shared. That understanding and affection expressed between total strangers made a difference, I think, in both of our days. I know that it did for me. 

There are surprises and gifts everywhere, sometimes in the most random places and when you least expect them. I am reminded to be open, to breathe into each moment and see what might be offered there, and to cherish each gift in this precious time on earth. Each moment can contain a lifetime, an eternity, a grace, and gift, now that, as an elder, I am slowing down enough to see it, hear it, feel it, and be in it.

These moments are what I often remember that make me smile. And isn’t that the point of it all? To smile, to connect, to share, to love, to hold each other’s hands while, as Rumi wrote, “we’re all just walking each other home.”