Childless, not heartless, not purposeless.
I need to address the childless cat lady comment that was recently made by JD Vance, a candidate for vice president. This comment was so deeply offensive and completely ignorant of what we childless cat ladies can offer and who we are.
Full disclosure- I currently do not have any kitties. I lost two 17-year-old kitties (I had them with me since they were kittens) within 6 months of each other soon after I retired, four years ago. My heart is still broken. And I hesitate, at age 71, to get another. What if the kitty outlives me? I would need plan for this possibility. Can I handle yet another deep grief of loss? I don’t know. Aging brings so many losses, and to invite another furry creature into my home can invite loss. But I may still do so at some point, given that the joy of love can outweigh the pain of loss, and armed with the knowledge that love and loss are always a package deal.
Yes, I am one of those childless cat ladies.
And I have a huge heart. I love deeply. I am compassionate. I care-take and give from my core.
I am strong. I support and give to many causes. Those causes include children and all those suffering, both human and non-human. I contribute to the future. I mentor. I try to help pass along the torch to younger women.
I am more than a potential child-bearing human. I have a worth that is separate from that. I mother others in many ways, as the word mother can also be used a verb that has nothing to do with biological children.
I can teach about solitude, about ways to love that are other than bearing children. I honor mothers deeply and all that they do. It is a sacred role. And I can offer support to those women that do have children. I can be a member of their tribe and offer comfort and kindness.
Rather than accept once again the frequent pattern these days of trying to separate us all from each other (childless versus not), perhaps we can focus on coming together and offering more to the world in our different ways. United together, we can be stronger, unlike what this pattern of divide and conquer can offer.
I can help, in a different way, teach young girls of their intrinsic worth, so that those that may choose to not have children (or cannot for other reasons) are encouraged, by seeing role models, for all that women can be, for the complex beings that we are and all that we can do.
As a cat lady, I have learned humility. I have learned about a deep love that is different yet no less worthy. Even when living alone, I have often had furry companions, so that I have learned how to keep myself connected to life and to love. I have found solace, when weary, in the form of furry paws and purrs that greet me when I come home. I stay soft and open. And I think that openness can help the world.
In the past, women who were seen as different became threatening somehow and might have even been labeled as witches …witches with their cats. These witches were portrayed as evil, rather than seen as perhaps women of the earth who might know how to use herbs and plants to cure, who might have had their kitty familiars as loving companions, as soft touches in a world that needs so much healing, as a furry creature to perhaps to come home to after trying to deal with and trying to help heal the earth in some small way. A furry companion can teach humility and lessons in what we can and cannot control. (Cats are excellent teachers of this lesson, a valuable lesson that some of the world might be able to benefit from these days.)
Women of power are often insulted or somehow told that they are less than, that power is not their right. Who has defined what power truly is? Is it in being aggressive, domineering, and invasive, or can it be gentler, kinder, and inclusive of all? Perhaps it can help build relationships rather than amass more land or control. Perhaps it can help bring people together rather than create divisiveness. Maybe it can teach us to love each other rather than promoting fear and conflict.
Yes, I am one of those childless cat ladies.
I am happy to be a cat lady who cherishes solitude from which she can gather herself and her strength to go back out and love, and who understands the difference between alone and lonely. I stand with other women who may have either chosen not to bear children (or perhaps could not for various reasons) but who gives to the next generation, nonetheless. We are women who can remind other women of their intrinsic worth that is separate from any childbearing capacity or history, who can remind young women that their biology does not define them or limit what they can do.
I come to you as an elder at this point, as an elder woman of solitude who very much enjoys the companionship of cats. I am a cat lady who finds solace and love in all of earth’s inhabitants — trees, animals, everything, who can help teach that we are all connected to each other and to this earth, this earth that we must love and take care of, including each other.
Cat-lady? Yes, proudly so, purrfectly so.
I'm Not Dead Yet! 