First There Was Man-Splaining.

And now I find myself irritated with science-splaining.

Education is important. As they say, when you know better, you do better. Except when you don’t.

People are more than a collection of facts and information. We are a complex, delightful, and sometimes frustrating species. I know that I find myself to be that way.

We have emotions. We have feelings. And those feelings need to be addressed and heard before we can even sometimes open our ears to anything new or contradictory coming in. If we don’t feel heard and seen, we may have trouble seeing and hearing anything that anyone else is trying to tell us. This can especially be true if a lot of our feelings are connected to whatever the issue may be.

The trigger for writing this article.

I recently was sent an article by a friend that explained how the brain works in response to art and then somehow used that to justify our need for art and the value of art in our lives. This article made some valid points and had some insightful facts. Yet, I found myself bristling a bit at it, which I found both odd and interesting. Why would this be at all irritating? Here was an article talking about the value of art and even how it works in our brain to improve our lives. What could be wrong with that?

So, as I have finally learned in my elder years, rather than berate myself for my reaction, I dug deeper inside to see what might be going on.

What I found was that my reaction was one of feeling like I was being “science-splained” to (as in man-splained, only this time with scientific facts.) 

Don’t get me wrong. I love science and love learning about all the wonderful and life changing discoveries. I am a huge fan of science. It has given us so much over time, and will continue to do so. As an elder, I am amazed at all the changes and gifts that science has given us over the years. 

There is more than knowledge and education going on here. 

 However, I am not a fan of feeling like we must justify why things bring us wonder and why they bring value to our lives. 

My friend, the one who sent me the article, is an executive consultant. He has found it helpful in having his business clients accept what he is teaching when he backs it up with science and facts. He teaches the science behind why teamwork is better, why paying attention to feelings can help their employees and teams, and can help their businesses thrive even more. He speaks their language and then makes it more acceptable for them to get comfortable with this idea of feelings, teamwork, and cooperation. That’s great!

Now this same attitude of explaining why art can be valuable came through in this article.

I love to write. I love to paint. I love to walk in the redwoods and feel the wonder and awe that happens for me there. It sometimes is beyond words, although I do try and write about it to share the experience. But it is not the same as experiencing it. I want to enjoy it and feel it and be in awe and wonder about it all. That experience itself is a gift. Not having an explanation for everything can be a gift.

I can cry at the beauty that hits me when I look up at an ancient redwood. I feel mesmerized by a photo or painting, not always sure why, but enjoying the moment completely. Yes, it is interesting to know what is firing in my brain when all this happens. It helps explain how, but not why. I don’t want or need to know why. I want to be in the moment and experience it.

Doing our own inner work can help.

What’s interesting as I explore my reaction to the article is that some of my irritation was really directed toward my friend, who was sure that I would absolutely love this article that he sent me. We have had long conversations about many things over the years, and it seems like he would know this about me, my reaction to having to have everything explained or reduced to scientific terms and how that makes me bristle. I love the wonder of it all and want that to be acknowledged, these mysteries of the Universe, the questions that can’t be answered, only felt. It dawned on me that I didn’t, in that moment, feel that I had been heard for who I am. I found it interesting to notice this within myself, and it took some of the irritation away once I got this insight. 

I think this giving of information and facts is a pattern in many of us. I can get caught in the cycle myself and must watch and catch myself. It helps when I notice that whoever I may have directed all the vital facts that I have to slowly starts to get that glazed look in their eyes. Information overload is happening, as well perhaps as not feeling seen and heard. 

We can see so many examples of how we flood others and ourselves with facts in hopes of solving problems.

Does information help with dieting?

Take the example of dieting, for instance. I know a lot about dieting, about calories, carbs, behavior management techniques, all of it. But somehow it doesn’t seem to translate into action most of the time. I still do what I know is “wrong”. Hell, I could probably write a diet book, so it isn’t more education that I seem to need.

Don’t get me wrong. I think that knowing about things is vital. I appreciate all the education and classes that I have attended that teach about what to do, how to cope, ways to try and work with the issue of overeating and the frustrations of gaining weight, and of the challenges of losing it. 

Do I criticize myself for not doing better? Oh yes. Does that help? No, it only seems to make things worse.

When we try and solve pain with information and facts.

I can think of other examples in today’s world, as I am sure that we all can. We try to teach others and educate them about facts about things, about people, about the world. Does it get in? Sometimes not. On my pessimistic days, I think that mostly it does not get in.

Notice what can happen with explaining facts to someone about what they may be going through right then and there without addressing the fact that they are currently in tears, emotional, and cannot hear us. At that moment they are on the planet of feelings and must live there for a while before they can move onto the planet of intellect and facts. They are vulnerable, raw, fragile, and open in a way that needs to be heard, respected, comforted, acknowledged and given space. Then and only then, I believe, can we allow facts and information in, because we feel heard, seen, and accepted for where we are in that moment. 

Maybe we need to do that for ourselves. Now that I have explored my reaction (with gentle curiosity) to the article sent by my friend, I can go back and better appreciate the truth and positive aspects of the article. I can do this perhaps because I took the time to notice my reaction and hear myself and my soul’s feelings. I can now hear more of the facts. 

And maybe, just maybe, as we learn to do this more for ourselves, we can get better at doing this for others. 

Perhaps we can all learn, by listening to feelings with encouragement and understanding, what we are trying to say to each other. We can learn to hear each other before jumping in with facts, information, and the answers to questions that were never even asked.